To Whom It May Concern,
Greetings! I've been consuming your fine edibles for the majority of my life. Like most people my age, I was brought up on McDonald's. Your food has become so ingrained in the fabric of American sustenance that oddities and other bizarre facts concerning your products never seem to occur to us. One such oddity struck me the other day.
What the fuck is a chicken McNugget shaped like? I realize there are two, obviously formed, “nugget shapes,” but what are those shapes supposed to be? For instance, if I were to look at a packing slip for the Parts and Maintenance division of one of your magical nugget factories, would the invoice perhaps list a descriptive moniker for replacement nugget stencils? Is there some subtle likeness that your nugget designer was going for? If so, what part of the chicken is shaped like a tiny boot and/or circle? Of all the infinite number of shapes in the universe, why those? At least Burger King had the balls to shape theirs like little crowns (or, “king hats”). Recently, they pussy’d out and have conformed to your simplistic and arbitrary chicken-product-shaping-initiative, but I digress.
I get it- you send whole livestock down a conveyor-belt-o’-death into a vortex of swirling blades until everything that was once alive and breathing and capable of thought is ground into a McNugget for Johnny Fat-ass American- you clearly are not concerned with convincing anyone otherwise. But please explain to me why McDonald’s chose those two particular shapes.
Is there some hidden meaning behind the McNugget shape? If I hold a McNugget against the skyline of San Bernardino at sunset, will it point me in the direction of Grimace's Treasure? Or did you let that fucking clown decide what the shapes should be?
I anxiously await your response. Along with your 58 million daily customers, I demand to know the secret behind the mysterious shaping of your nuggets.
Yours,
Houston Jones
P.S. I was thinking, maybe a good promotional item could be custom-shaped McNuggets. For a premium, businesses, or individuals (ahem, myself), could order these for catered events or even just a simple evening at home, playing board games with friends. If you decide to roll out with something like this, do not feel like you need to afford me any royalties for using this (brilliant) idea. Simply send me a case of your finest dick-and-breast-shaped nuggets.
P.S.S. Why hasn't McDonald's ever attempted to corner the catering market? "Golden Arches Catering" has a nice ring to it!
Greetings! I've been consuming your fine edibles for the majority of my life. Like most people my age, I was brought up on McDonald's. Your food has become so ingrained in the fabric of American sustenance that oddities and other bizarre facts concerning your products never seem to occur to us. One such oddity struck me the other day.
What the fuck is a chicken McNugget shaped like? I realize there are two, obviously formed, “nugget shapes,” but what are those shapes supposed to be? For instance, if I were to look at a packing slip for the Parts and Maintenance division of one of your magical nugget factories, would the invoice perhaps list a descriptive moniker for replacement nugget stencils? Is there some subtle likeness that your nugget designer was going for? If so, what part of the chicken is shaped like a tiny boot and/or circle? Of all the infinite number of shapes in the universe, why those? At least Burger King had the balls to shape theirs like little crowns (or, “king hats”). Recently, they pussy’d out and have conformed to your simplistic and arbitrary chicken-product-shaping-initiative, but I digress.
I get it- you send whole livestock down a conveyor-belt-o’-death into a vortex of swirling blades until everything that was once alive and breathing and capable of thought is ground into a McNugget for Johnny Fat-ass American- you clearly are not concerned with convincing anyone otherwise. But please explain to me why McDonald’s chose those two particular shapes.
Is there some hidden meaning behind the McNugget shape? If I hold a McNugget against the skyline of San Bernardino at sunset, will it point me in the direction of Grimace's Treasure? Or did you let that fucking clown decide what the shapes should be?
I anxiously await your response. Along with your 58 million daily customers, I demand to know the secret behind the mysterious shaping of your nuggets.
Yours,
Houston Jones
P.S. I was thinking, maybe a good promotional item could be custom-shaped McNuggets. For a premium, businesses, or individuals (ahem, myself), could order these for catered events or even just a simple evening at home, playing board games with friends. If you decide to roll out with something like this, do not feel like you need to afford me any royalties for using this (brilliant) idea. Simply send me a case of your finest dick-and-breast-shaped nuggets.
P.S.S. Why hasn't McDonald's ever attempted to corner the catering market? "Golden Arches Catering" has a nice ring to it!
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