We're a mere seventeen months away from the next Presidential election and, already, campaigning is in full swing. We here at OPRE take politics very seriously and, when picking a candidate to back, we weigh all options. After much debate and intergrity-bargaining, we've finally come to some agreement.
For the 2012 Presidential Election, we've decided to endorse SARAH PALIN.
This is the only logical choice. No real change ever occurs in politics and wouldn't unless we, as a planet, abolish all religions and become technocratic. So, aside from that never-gonna-happen fantasy world, this is our next best solution.
Forget peace and change and all that bullshit- we're talking entertainment! Think of it! Who needs hope when there will undoubtedly be an endless supply of hilarious "palinisms." Who cares if other countries like us-- they're full of brown people and don't talk right. Let's show 'em who's alpha dog and put this lipstick-wearing bulldog in the oval office! With everybody's favorite soccer-mom maverick in charge, she'll send other world leaders to bed without supper and make sure everyone's done their homework.
Imagine the inevitable outcomes of whatever apeshit-crazy policies she would no doubt enact: National Bomb an Abortion Clinic Day (the only National holiday celebrated weekly), Mandatory Weekend Moose Hunts, Spritz-a-Gay (in which patriots squirt a fine mist of sticky goo all over suspected homosexuals), Hotdog Eating Contests in Congress and Bible Thump-Offs on the National Mall. etc. etc. etc. She'd give that ol' Ah-Mu-Ding-O'-Jad a whoppin' piece of Alaskan logic and, in the same week, enact a mandatory school cafeteria "All-American Diet" consisting of fried apple pie, fried kool-aid, fried coca-cola, fried batter coated fry batter, and beanie-weenies.
This is the only logical choice. No real change ever occurs in politics and wouldn't unless we, as a planet, abolish all religions and become technocratic. So, aside from that never-gonna-happen fantasy world, this is our next best solution.
Forget peace and change and all that bullshit- we're talking entertainment! Think of it! Who needs hope when there will undoubtedly be an endless supply of hilarious "palinisms." Who cares if other countries like us-- they're full of brown people and don't talk right. Let's show 'em who's alpha dog and put this lipstick-wearing bulldog in the oval office! With everybody's favorite soccer-mom maverick in charge, she'll send other world leaders to bed without supper and make sure everyone's done their homework.
Imagine the inevitable outcomes of whatever apeshit-crazy policies she would no doubt enact: National Bomb an Abortion Clinic Day (the only National holiday celebrated weekly), Mandatory Weekend Moose Hunts, Spritz-a-Gay (in which patriots squirt a fine mist of sticky goo all over suspected homosexuals), Hotdog Eating Contests in Congress and Bible Thump-Offs on the National Mall. etc. etc. etc. She'd give that ol' Ah-Mu-Ding-O'-Jad a whoppin' piece of Alaskan logic and, in the same week, enact a mandatory school cafeteria "All-American Diet" consisting of fried apple pie, fried kool-aid, fried coca-cola, fried batter coated fry batter, and beanie-weenies.
In anticipation, we've prepared a few promotional campaign materials. Nothing says, "I wouldn't mind inciting the next World War" like a Palin 2012 bumper sticker attached to your H3!
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