Mr. Darcy in the third...

Oh boy, I remember this place!  Absurd articles, ornery rants, and the horny harried harangues of non-topics -- updates served MWF!  If nursing homes served medication the way we serve new content... well, let's be honest, they'd still all be dead and we'd still have not tapped into that coveted, momentarily-death-defying centenarian demographic.  What a fucking cool name to give to something that is essentially an immobile crap-factory.  I immediately rescind that remark; an immobile crap-factory is the only thing worthy of that title.

Are you still with me?  Probably not, but that's not why I'm here anyway.  Nor is it to kick the pile of dust that was once the bones of what was, in turn, once a proud, living miniature horse.  Let's call the horse "Mr. Darcy".  Not because I'll be using it again in this article, but because I just spent about 10 minutes on google parsing search results for "best names for a horse."  Also, giving an animal a surname is hilarious (I also confirmed this on google).  At any rate...

"This place" has an underlying idea (hint: it's the name of the blog) that I still love and embrace.  It will probably remain an inherent part of everything I create -- manifesting itself as a cynical, world-weary character here, or an abhorrent, obnoxious airhead there.  And no matter what none of the critics have said, I still think a webcomic featuring a bespectacled mutt and his best-friend-stoner penguin is a great idea.  Although, given certain life developments, they might require an unexpected role-reversal to maintain verisimilitude.  But I fear that it too would peter out with all the ferocity of a horny hairy possum's feral hiss.

Which brings me to the reason I am actually writing this.  Back when this was more than just the glint of a hearse's tail lights, I had the idea for a feature called "Westside Weekend Update".  I don't really remember the premise or intended method of execution, but nevertheless, I made quite the ambitious list for it.  They get worse (or better, depending on how many concussions you've recently suffered) as the list goes on.  So, without further ado, I present this long list of nonsense I found in an e-mail to myself from nearly two years ago:

Fiona Applesauce
Tyler Perrywinkle
William Shat'ner Sink
Jason Segull
Zach Gaflinakanis
Arnold Shwartzenheimer (the Mayoranator)
Peepin' Tom Hanks
Levar Burton Ernie
Ben AFFLEC! (duck head with word bubble)
Shia Lebouffet
Megan Foxtrot
Eddie Murphy Bed
Heather Graham Bell
Natalie Portmanteaux
Tom Cruise Control
Christopher Plumber
Christopher Leemur
Julianne Mooretuary
Johnny Deposition
Will Smithsonian
Roseanne Barrge
Katie Holmesecurity
Cheri O'Teridactyl
Will Ferrell Cats
John Malkiovellich
Matt "Mailer" Damon
Rebecca Black Magic (Death)

OR, Rebecca Black, medium build, in his early thirties- be on the lookout

I am truly sorry for this post.